Burning Ashes
by xxFallenVampirexx
Summary: To love is to destroy. Especially if the one you love, loves someone else.
1. Chapter 1

Burning Ashes

Chapter One

I was always told as a child to not love, to not feel anything. My father was not a loving man. I mean maybe at one point he did love someone. That someone I refuse to even talk about. She brought havoc into my life. I try to ignore her, not my mother. My mother I can ignore, but her daughter, my sister, I cannot ignore.

My father would be very disappointed in me, in us. Sure I'm strong, one of the few strongest out there in this world. But he would still be disappointed. No, he always wanted a golden boy, someone strong and beautiful, not someone weak and love. Love is something I should hate, but I don't.

If you haven't already guessed, I'm in love with my sister. As disgusting as that may sound, it's true. I don't know when I started to love her. It couldn't have been when we were children because we didn't know each other then. We didn't grow up together like normal brothers and sisters. We also do not act like normal brothers and sisters. We are Shadowhunters. Shadowhunters are of a different world, to protect those who cannot see. I am a firm believer in destruction, hate, and burning the world. But I do not hate, do not want to destroy, or burn her.

Her beautiful red hair is soft between my fingertips. I want to touch this hair anytime I want. I've often thought that I could force her to do what I want. She is afraid of me after all. But I do not want her afraid of me. I want her to come to me with free will. But that may never happen, I may love her, but she can't stand me.

. . .

Jace is trying his best to train me, but I am always distracted. Whether it is Simon trying to figure out his feelings for Izzy or, the end of the world is ending and they need my help or well excuse me 'our' help. We also get really distracted with just each other. It's hard to even breathe around him sometimes. Once it was known that we are no longer siblings, it's like we can't stand to be away from each other for even a moment.

Jace is lying in the sun, with his eyes closed. We are in the back of the institute. He was adamant that I study the Shadowhunter codex, but watching him gave me the idea to draw him. His blonde hair is getting long and messy. I sort of like the long hair, but he has been nagging at me to cut it. He tried to cut it with one of his knives, I immediately forbid it. He would have done an awful job.

I've been neglecting cutting it because I like how it feels in my fingers. I start to draw his jawline, so perfect. I hear a faint sound coming from the bottom of my purse. Jace's eyes immediately open and look at me.

"Well aren't you going to answer it?" He asks, teasingly.

I quickly pick up my phone, thinking it might be my mom or something.

"Hello?"

"Clarissa." I hear a deep, soothing voice say over the phone. There have been only two voices like that, Valentine and Sebastian. Plus they are the only ones that call me 'Clarissa'. I glare at my fingers.

"Sebastian." I say quietly. What would be the purpose of him calling me? We didn't exactly leave each other on good terms. In fact I think he should be dead by now, but sadly no. Jace sits up immediately, motioning for me to give him my phone. But I don't move. The wind has picked up, my hair starts to fall out of my messy bun; I take it down.

"Good afternoon, Clarissa. I just . . . . Look I need to see you." Sebastian says out of breath.

"Why do you need to see me?" Jace is shaking his head me but doesn't say anything.

"I'm in trouble; I'm being forced out of Idris. Please help me. I could die." What is he doing in Idris?

The other end beeps and then there is just a dial tone. Maybe this is real, maybe he is in trouble. Should I care? I stare at Jace and then look at my phone. I try re dialing but Sebastian does not pick up, it goes straight to voicemail.

"Clary, whatever you are thinking, no." Jace says, tucking his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him.

"I don't know why, but I have to do this." Without another word, I stand up leaving everything behind, including Jace.

. . .

**Hey! This is my second attempt at writing a fanfiction for TMI. The first attempt did not go as I planned, so this one hopefully will! I already have a few chapters written. I will post when I can with it. Please feel free to comment on anything! Thanks and enjoy!**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Sweat is dripping off my face. I finally arrive at my destination. It only took five different cab rides and some running to make it, but I made it. That's all that matters to me right now.

"Magnus." I say out of breath. He is sitting on the couch, with reading glasses and a cup of coffee in his hand. Weird I never would have thought a high warlock such as his himself to drink coffee. Or maybe I just didn't care enough to wonder.

"Are you going to make it a habit of bothering me? Because I have more important things to do. Like sit here and drink my coffee." He rubs his eyes and yawns. Maybe I did catch him at a bad time, but this is important.

"Magnus, I need your help. I need to find Clary."

"Shouldn't this prove she doesn't want you? I mean not everyone wants you Jace Wayland."

"Look you of all people know what love is like. Something is happening and I can't just let her leave."

"You think it's all about you don't you? Maybe she doesn't want to be found. Smart girl." Magnus gets up and throws his coffee into the trash, clearly annoyed with this conversation. If he wasn't, he wouldn't have thrown a half cup of coffee away.

"Don't presume that she doesn't want to be found. You know Clary, she is reckless and only does what she wants, she doesn't think about anyone else even though she thinks it's for others. Please I need a tracking spell on her, and now." I rub my hair to the point where I'm pulling it out. Golden hairs fall between my fingertips. This is really getting to me.

"Okay, but not everything is for free."

. . .

I always had a rune in mind for 'portal', but I wasn't sure if I was the one that created it myself or that it has already been created. I mean Shadowhunters have been around for hundreds and hundreds of years, surely it had to have been created.

Once the rune is drawn into the building nothing happens. I look at what I drew, maybe it's not exactly how it was drawn in my memory. But thinking back, it's exactly how I imagined it to look. So then why is nothing happening?

I try touching it, but that doesn't help. Well maybe this is fate telling me not to go and help a complete psychopath from getting killed.

Maybe I should try and figure out another way. I put my stele in the back pocket of my jeans and turn around surveying the area. I picked a dark alley. I haven't quite mastered the glamouring yet, so I have to pick secluded areas.

No one seems to be around, seeing me act like a crazy person figuring out what to do. I walk towards the street. I wonder what time it is. The sky is already growing dark. I wonder how long I've been trying to open this portal.

A bright blue light shines around me. I look up, and realize it's coming from behind me.

Turning around slipping my stele in my hand, cursing myself for not bringing any weapons, the blue light is coming from the indent in the wall where the rune once was.

I look back at the street. Maybe I probably should tell someone, but no time for that now. I step into the portal.

. . . .

**Hey guys! I promise my chapters won't be this late all time. I just have been studying for finals and thanksgiving came up plus I'm working a lot! Okay so this is the new chapter! I hope you enjoy it and please please tell me if I need to work on anything or just comment about anything! I am an open book! Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

. . .

Chapter Three

Idris. It's such a beautiful place. I never wanted to leave before, and if I stay any longer I will never want to leave again. So many memories in this place. Of course I was never really able to enjoy its beauty. My father always kept me hidden. What I could see of it was through a window. And once my father had me pretend to be someone I'm not, changing my clothes, my personality, I was finally able to enjoy it.

There is so much that I want to do and I have such little time. I'm sitting here. In the dark, awaiting death. Death needs to happen. The only thing keeping me alive right now is Clarissa. Everything from her red hair to her soft face. She is so little and fragile. I wish I knew her before all this. Before my impersonation of Sebastian. Sebastian . . . he is a distant memory now.

If Clary could see past this, the horrible things I have done maybe we could be friends and get to know each other better. But I know she can't. If I can't look past it how could I expect her to? _I am a monster. _

. . . .

Magnus made a portal for me. This could get him in trouble with the clave. He never used to care about our law. Somehow I think Alec has something to do with that. I don't even know where Clary is exactly. Magnus has yet to give up that information. We tracked her from a strand of hair. It worked with Sebastian. I can't let her be around him. She's not weak, but she's not quite strong either. Her mind is fixated on the fact that he's her brother. He's not her brother. He's not even human. Her brother died a long time ago. Something else is living inside him. An evil that needs to be stopped.

"I could get killed for this." Magnus says, staring out into the distance. I grimace.

"Sorry, I'll come up with something to tell the Clave when they find out."

"I don't care about the Clave. I'm talking about Alec. Alec will murder me for this. But I also care for Clary. Idris Jace. Think of Idris." He says. His eyes blink. They go from dark to yellow in seconds, and then back to dark. It's alarming. I don't say anything. I just nod and step through. _Idris . . . the glass city. _

. . . .

At first I expected to fall into Lake Lyn again. _That is probably going to be the least of my problems. _Instead I end up right by the glass city entrance. I took out my makeup compact that I refused to take from Izzy at first. She said I needed a little help. I roll my eyes as I check my reflection. Deep down my inner self is wondering why I need to check my reflection, it's not like I need to look good for anyone right now. I mean it's just Sebastian. Who I shouldn't even be seeing. Jace is going to kill me.

Sebastian didn't even tell me where to meet him. Maybe that's because I didn't give him the chance. Jace is really going to kill me. Not only for leaving him without saying anything but also not having any weapons on me.

I step inside the city. It's less deserted now. The streets are filled with people. People working on the city, bringing it back to what it was it would seem. Most people when they look at tragedy they look at the good. I can't. I look at what happened. I still see dead people lying on the street, dead demons. I see dead everywhere. It's shocking and sad.

The good thing about Idris is that it's not so big. Well the Glass City at least. I walk passed the Penhallow's house. All I feel for that house is sadness. Max, so much happened here. And I come here for the man that killed him. Not a man. Not a man at all. But a monster. _What am I doing?_

Walking a little further I hear footsteps behind me. I don't feel threatened so I don't turn around. I just keep walking. It happens fast. One minute I'm on the street and the next minute I'm in a dark alley with a cold hand on my mouth. "You came."

**This is extremely late of me and I'm sorry. I'm always working and now that the holidays are almost over hopefully I will have more time for this! So thanks and please comment if you have anything and I do mean anything to say!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay before I get back into the story I will clear up one thing. Sebastian is kind of sort of in love with his sister. I'm going off of how he acted around her in City of Glass and City of Lost Souls. Yes he's creepy and all but he does have affection for her. In my story however he agrees with the monster thing. He knows he's a monster but he wants Clary to believe he isn't. He wants her to look past that and love him too. Also if you were wondering, Magnus knows Clary is in Idris because they did a tracking spell on her!**

. . . .

Chapter Four

"Clary." I whisper. She is looking at me. Not scared, but stunned. Stunned that I am here. Stunned that I found her before she could find me. I reach behind her head and let down her hair. She still says nothing. She isn't even breathing hard. _Maybe she isn't afraid of me._

"Sebastian. You are okay." Is all she says, still looking at me.

"Clary. Call me Johnathon. Please. I need to hear you say that." I don't know why I need to hear my actual name. Maybe because I'm not Sebastian Verlac. I'm just Johnathon. I close my eyes, holding onto a strand of her curly red hair.

"Johnathon." She breathes slowly. We are alone in a dark alley. If someone comes down and sees us I wonder what they would think. A look of love or a look of hate? I open my eyes and stare into hers. The corner of her mouth turns up into a smile.

"I thought you were in trouble."

"Clary, every shadowhunter in the world wants me dead. Of course I'm in trouble."

"Wait so I came here all the way to Idris for what? Is this a complete waste of my time?"

She pushes my hand away and turns around facing the street. Her hair is blowing in the wind. I must say something, or she could be gone forever.

"I want you. To know me, the real me. Please."

"How can I know it's really you? When we first met you pretended to be someone else. How do I know you are not pretending now?"

"Trust me." I say.

. . . .

It's crazy to think that just this afternoon I was eating lunch with Jace. Jace. He is never going to forgive me for leaving him without an explanation. Sebastian asked me to call him Johnathon. But if I do that, it will humanize him. I will have to remember that he is a person. Or at least try to remember that he is a person.

It's dark now. I wonder what time it is. I didn't think to bring a watch. I check my pockets for my phone. Crap. I must have dropped it when I created a portal.

Sebastian stopped and turned to face me. "Were here." He says with a smirk. I can't help but smile back. It's almost like Jace and Sebastian are related more than Sebastian and I. We look nothing alike. I have always had an insecurity of beauty. I'm not beautiful by any means. And these two are practically Greek gods. How am I related to one and dating the other?

I shook my head and look at our surroundings. We left the city and are now in the deep hills. Close to the forest. Is Sebastian planning on camping out? Because I'm not much of a camper.

We stop next to an old wooden house. It's almost like a cottage. It's cute, but it has to be owned by someone.

"Sebastian, this place isn't yours is it?"

"No." He sounds annoyed.

"Then why are we here? Isn't this trespassing?"

He laughs, but not the kind of laugh you would hear if something sounds funny.

"Clary, no one owns it. Just come in before it gets darker out. You don't want to be caught out here at night without any weapons." How did he know I didn't bring any weapons?

Once inside I try for some light but the electricity must be out. Sebastian disappears to the back of the room. He must know this place somehow.

I lean against the front door, not daring to step farther into the dark without knowing where I am. I am a shadowhunter but I am also not stupid.

He comes back with a lit candle. The glow illuminates his face. Despite what I should be thinking about him, he is quite handsome. So handsome in fact it hurts to look at him, so I look at my fingers instead. They are filthy. I must be a mess.

"There is a bathroom down the hall if you want to clean up. Here take this, I'll just wait here." He says quietly. He probably noticed my disgust. He hands me the candle, and I hurry to the bathroom, locking the door behind me finally able to breathe. I almost forgot what it's like to breathe. Maybe this wasn't a good idea.

. . . . .

**I will do Jace here and there but this whole thing is mainly going to focus on Johnathon and Clary. She is still going to call him Sebastian because well like she said, she doesn't want to humanize him. Not yet anyways. Please let me know what you think! Thanks**


End file.
